Friday, January 7, 2011

Meet My Scar- Day ?

Wow! I haven't posted a scar pic since JULY! Um...sorry about that. Life is crazy, as always.

Here's my scar today-
I haven't done anything to it for quite some time. I did finish the silicone sheet treatment. I feel "eh" about that over all.

This picture was taken standing so you can see the part that bothers me the most. That little pucker. Underneath is a nice, painful lump of adhesions. I hate that part. The other side is slowly going silvery.

It has been 598 days since my daughter was cut out of me. I definitely have ups and downs with the emotional side of recovery and as for the physical side? Well...I still have numbness, tingling, random pain, not to mention the stabby adhesion pain. It's not fun. I really had hoped by this far out from surgery, things would be back to normal. I'm not saying this is normal, or that every woman that has had a c-section will have issues after a year and half (wow, I can't believe my baby is that old...), it's just my personal experience.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive our next child for many months now and I sometimes wonder how the c-section is affecting my fertility. Or maybe it's my mental hangups that are keeping me from getting pregnant again. It's most likely that my cycle has yet to return, but my mind loves to go to those "nothing will ever be ok again" places. *sigh*

I'm planning something very exciting for the blog, which will mostly likely be happening this spring. Stay tuned for details!

Some days every little thing is a trigger...

If you have experienced birth trauma, do you find you have triggers that bring you back to the moment(s) of suffering you experienced?

Today several things triggered me, mostly because I'm in a rather emotional state lately. I drove past the hospital where my daughter was torn from me, I caught a glance of my scar in the mirror and I heard this song;

I'm trying to find ways for things that trigger me to somehow empower me along the way. It's an uphill battle most days. I'm still fighting though, and that's what's important.