Monday, February 20, 2012

Anya's Birth Story Told in Pictures

I just FINALLY got around to watching Anya's birth video (3 months later!). I guess I was a bit embarrassed by all the noise I made and the completely unflattering position I was in. I would totally post it, but um, no. You all don't want to see my big ole' beached whale self grunting and bleeding all over the place, so in it's place, I give you some not particularly good drawings I did with microsoft paint and a bit of commentary to go with them. You're welcome.
I apologize in advance for the run on sentences and gratuitous use of parentheses.

This is me vocalizing in the tiny bathtub in which I was stuck for several hours. Had I not been in total denial and we had possession on the hose and attachments needed, I would have gotten stuck in the birth pool instead. That would have been MUCH more comfortable.
In between contractions, to keep from losing my damn mind, I would pretty much just go in my head and sink under the water. This was basically the only way I could force myself to continue breathing. According to those who saw me I looked very zen and all super-hypnobabies and junk...but in my head I was freaking the heck out. Remember that the next time you watch one of those super zen looking moms giving birth on youtube. You have no clue what's going on in their head. (*Note: I did not sound all)

This is my husband trying to get some rest and help our older daughter get some sleep. He was talking to my friends on a big group chat thing and they were all freaking out telling him to set up the birth pool and call the midwife because when I had last talked with them I was having contractions 3 minutes apart. Poor guy couldn't even if I would have let him. No hose! Those red lines are me "vocalizing" aka screaming like a Klingon warrior.
At some point after I freaked out and finally gave in that I really was in labor the birth team arrived. I don't want to draw all of them, because there were three of them and I'm lazy. This is my doula/student midwife checking me and realizing that we're going to have a baby soon! (Complete (very different from 2pm that afternoon, eh Maggie!) with a cervical lip that the midwife held out of the way while I pushed. Apparently, this is a common thing for VBACs.)
Just because it's a home birth, doesn't mean they weren't prepared. They have all the same tools that would be present in a birth center. So there.
Around this time, the discussion of how to get the glass shower doors off started...they only come off from the inside and I would have to be out of their way to accomplish this. I tell them via grunting that there's no way in hell that's happening. I go back in my face-underwater-zen-bat cave.
Husband (looking rather short in the drawing...uh, imagine he's sitting on the floor or something) comes in and out periodically between helping our older daughter and doing things the birth team asks of him. He also tries to set up cameras to capture the action, but due to the nature of our craptastically tiny bathroom, which is now full of people, that only works marginally well. When he is present I squeeze the crap out of his hand like there's no tomorrow (because in my head, clearly there isn't a tomorrow and I'm dying). His hand is pretty much the only pain relief I got in labor other than the now cold water since not even our giant water heater can keep up with nearly six hours of shower time. (I can haz my gold star now?)
The midwife is there most of the time I believe, prepping things, trying to figure out how to get the door off, knitting an adorable baby hat for Anya. The midwife's other student/assistant is there as well, but again, lazy. (Sorry Michelle!)
This is during pushing, which took WAY longer than I imagined it would (about an hour and a half). Her head kept going back in and I was really frustrated. Plus, it hurt. A LOT. Who knew, right? My husband remarks that he didn't think the inside of me was furry. Oh wait, that's her head.
There's much switching of positions of the birth team so the midwife can spot Nathan while he catches. Only problem is that I wouldn't let go of his hand. So, using the opposite hand that he would have preferred using, he reaches in as I completely ignore the midwife saying "she's got a short cord" and push her all the way out. She flops into the tub with the grace of a sea lion falling off a rock trying to dive after a herring.
Immediately, I look both relieved and kind of stoned.
They pick her up and put her on my chest. There's much congratulations and I'm just more relieved than anything that the pain is over. Here's my inner monologue at that moment- "Oh, hi! There's a baby on my chest! Oh, MY baby? And I just pushed her out myself?! Awesome!"

I didn't draw a picture of my placenta, because I didn't want the gross out police to report me to facebook, so here's a picture of the placenta smoothie I enjoyed while snuggling in my very own bed, with my perfect little family.


  1. This is so cute! I love this. So happy for you!

  2. LOL!!! Sarah, I LOVE you! This was great!

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